How to Deal with Being Alone this Valentine's Day

Last year was the first time I had a girlfriend for Valentine’s Day. In the past, I hadn’t so much as received a card from a classmate or secret admirer. It was a great feeling. She gave me a rose and I bought her a cuddly toy. We went for sushi and watched How to Train your Dragon 3. I won’t lie and pretend that I wasn’t chuffed and almost relieved that I wasn’t alone again for what was going to be my 21st Valentine’s Day. I was. I thought that maybe I had finally made it and had found the love of my life.

Sadly, first relationships don’t last. Especially when you haven’t been in one before. I broke up with my girlfriend last August, and still know that this was the right decision for me; her and my mental health. Was I miserable? Of course. Break ups are never going to be easy, no matter whether you’re the one doing the breaking or the one who has been broken. It has to be done, though, if you don’t see it going anywhere.

I used to be in love with the idea of being in love. I still sort of am. Making the decision to break up with my girlfriend was a difficult one, especially since I had strived so hard to find someone who had the same feelings for me. Being LGBTQ+ and a sufferer of severe Generalised Anxiety Disorder doesn’t help much in my search either. And now that Valentine’s Day is rolling around, I am infinitely more aware of what I had, and now what I don’t have because of my own actions, as right as they may have been.

I think the most important thing to do before getting into a relationship is appreciating your own self-worth. Depending on someone else for validation will only go so far and will put just as much strain on them as you yourself are feeling. Relationships are a give and take, and actually take a lot of work, something I learned last year. If you aren’t fully happy with yourself, and were you are; and what you’re doing, falling in love with someone else will be extremely difficult. I realised last year that I am not ready for a relationship with someone else. And that is so okay.

If you are alone this Valentine’s Day, like me, take the day to appreciate someone in your life who has been there for you. I myself will be buying my mother flowers, as she puts up with what my anxiety turns me into and has supported me since I took ill with it. Think of a family member; a friend; a neighbour. Maybe even yourself. Take the day to remind yourself that you are important, and you don’t need a romantic other in your life to make that importance any more or less valid. 

Valentine’s Day is a day about love, and love is so vast and beautiful and eternal that it shouldn’t be pegged down to just romantic partners. Love comes in so many faucets, and there should be many ways of celebrating it as well. You don’t need to feel lonely on Valentine’s Day, because even taking a moment to celebrate all the love in the world, right outside on your doorstep, will do wonders for your state of wellbeing.

Love is love, after all.